Wrestlemania XXVI Thoughts (Part I)

I'll be doing this in two parts because I just can't sit still and watch wrestling for 4 hours straight anymore. On paper, this looked like it would be one of the all-time great Wrestlemania cards, so let's see if this bad boy manages to live up to some of the hype. They've got the stadium roof open, and the set looks incredible in typical Wrestlemania fashion

Unified Tag Titles: Big Show & the Miz vs R-Truth and John Morrison

Truth comes out first doing his rap thing. I wonder if he's just as incomprehensible to the live audience. Morrison follows, and as Dave Chappelle once said, everything looks better...in slow motion. And finally, ShoMiz, with that terrible entrance music and all 27 of their titles. Predictably fun match, though I had to play it back since I went to get a bag of chips and the match had somehow finished while I was away. Seriously? ShoMiz get the win after Big Show punches Morrison out of the sky. In a perfect world, you'd have the Hart Dynasty or Cryme Tyme challenging for the titles here, but I can understand throwing RonJohn together because there's no question that they deserved a spot somewhere on the card.

Randy Orton vs Ted DiBiase vs Cody Rhodes

Pretty massive pop for Orton. I've only been a sporadic viewer of the product at best, so Orton sort of caught me off guard with how well he seems to have nailed down that deranged persona of his. Everything, from the way he stomps on his opponents to the way he moves around the ring is unique, which really adds another dimension to that character. He unfortunately made DiBiase and Rhodes look like a couple of pussies here, but the decisive booking should probably vault Randy back into the title picture. If the WWE is smart, they'll keep him as a renegade Austin-type tweener, one who's a little too crazy to discern between good and bad.

Money in the Bank: lots and lots of people
Jack Swagger comes out looking like a proportionate Kurt Angle. I actually kind of dig his fake Rage Against the Machine music. My money was on Christian, but I forgot that Drew McIntyre was in there as well. The usual fun match, but nothing really crazy as Shelton Benjamin has apparently decided against going through with his annual attempt to kill himself. Kofi Kingston slips on a ladder while trying to teabag Kane in the corner, but makes up for it later by using two halves of a broken ladder as stilts in an attempt to get the briefcase. At one point in the match, Christian reverses a Matt Hardy Twist of Fate into a reverse DDT off the ladder, but Michael Cole still calls it a Twist of Fate. God, Cole sucks. But then again, Jim Ross would have probably called it an Unprettier, so I guess nobody's perfect. Finish comes when Swagger(!?) knocks Christian off the ladder and grabs the case (after taking an eternity to get the thing unhooked). I actually have no problem with Swagger winning, I just hope that they tag him with a new nickname because the All-American American sounds like a Carl's Jr. sandwich or something. The guy has size and talent as opposed to just size for a change, so he's not the worst guy to elevate.

HHH vs Sheamus
The arena roof remains open, which means that Sheamus will be getting some sun, perhaps for the first time in his life from the look of things. Just weird seeing HHH this far down the card. He even comes to the ring sans any Halloween costumes or an appearance by Motorhead, which is pretty subdued by his standards. Hunter eventually gets the pin via Pedigree after an okay match. Sheamus probably should have got the win here, but they put him over as a guy who could hang with HHH on the big stage, which I guess counts for something. First time really seeing Sheamus in action, but I guess he isn't terrible. Just terribly white.

CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio
This should be pretty darn good. Punk cuts his typically awesome promo while walking down to the ring. Apparently this feud escalated when CM Punk interrupted a birthday celebration for Rey's daughter on an episode of Smackdown. Let's just ignore wrestling logic for second - Mysterio celebrating his daughter's birthday in a wrestling ring? And we're supposed to be mad at Punk for interrupting that? If I paid money to go and see Smackdown live, I'd want to see wrestling matches, not birthday parties. Anyway. Criminally short match, but lots of cool stuff thrown in during the allotted time. Rey even manages to (mostly) hit that springboard backflip DDT that he only ever pulled off at Halloween Havoc with Eddie Guerrero. Lots of cool GTS reversals by Rey, and he eventually gets the pin following a 619/splash combo. Awesome chemistry between these two, but the match needed at least 10 minutes.

Part 2: Bret/Vince, World Title matches, and of course, Taker/HBK II.