About a week late, but I tracked this puppy down after hearing positive things about it. Of course, this year's Survivor Series is notable because it features the Rock in his first in-ring action in roughly 7 years. This show also apparently marks the 10th anniversary of John Laurinaitis' tenure with the company. Michael Cole: "ALLRIIIIGHT!" I guess he's a fan of John Laurinaitis? We kick things off with Zig-Zag Man (as Booker T likes to call him) and the soon to be released John Morrison.United States Title: Dolph Ziggler vs John Morrison
A pretty massive "We want Ryder!" chant from the fans to start. The crowd boos everything that Morrisson does - because he isn't Zack Ryder, I guess - but he gets some cheers after whipping out a corkscrew plancha. Vickie Guerrero drops by to scream incomprehensibly at Morrison. John: "Hey, stay away from me!" Not sure if he was breaking character there or not. Ziggler eventually takes over and begins toying around with Morrison. Vickie: "AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Morrison makes the comeback with the Moonlight Drive, which is apparently just a "neckbreaker" now. Vickie gets sent to the back for getting a little too involved, and she is not happy. To say the least. The boys go into a slick pinfall reversal sequence that ends with Ziggler getting a sweet Fame-Asser for a close 2. Yes, Ziggler is so awesome that he can even make Billy Gunn's moves look good. Dolph eventually gets the 3 after blocking Starship Pain and hitting the Zig-Zag. Hot opener. It's pretty crazy how good Dolph Ziggler is getting. He would go on to tear the house down with CM Punk the next night on RAW, and have another good outing with Randy Orton a week later.
Crowd still wants Ryder, and indeed, he shows up to a pretty massive pop. He hits the Rough Ryder, which Dolph sells by flipping completely over and flying out of the ring.
Divas Championship: Beth Phoenix vs Eve
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Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, Hunico, & Cody Rhodes vs Sheamus, Sin Cara, Kofi Kingston, Mason Ryan, & Randy Orton
Hunico is now dressed exactly like Homicide. If you're a wrestler of Mexican origin, I guess you have to be either lucha or gangster. Cody Rhodes gets a pretty big pop despite being a heel, probably because he rules. Sweet retro IC title, too. You know, I'm pretty sure I once watched a porn that featured Sin Cara's music. Just saying. This Mason Ryan guy can't be real. He has more muscles than a Ninja Turtle. Or a Rob Liefeld illustration. I kid you not, this is the look on Jack Swagger's face as Mason Ryan makes his entrance:
Ziggler takes an RKO and is eliminated first, which is understandable since he's pulling double duty tonight. Match breaks down and Sin Cara and Kofi Kingston do stereo dives to the floor. Well, they do in theory, except that Sin Cara somehow injures himself mid-air and manages to eliminate himself from the match. As advertised before his debut, Sin Cara is indeed amazing, albeit for all the wrong reasons. No idea what happened there. Note: there was much speculation following the show in regards to how Cara could have possibly injured himself so severely on that dive, but most have come to an agreement that this official WWE Sin Cara t-shirt best explains what went awry.
Yes, Sin Cara's MASSIVE ERECTION got caught in the ropes, which is why he's now out of action for 9 months. Get well soon, Sin Cara. And yes, that is an actual t-shirt that was apparently very close to being sold at WWE events worldwide. I guess someone with eyeballs managed to spot the GIANT PENIS on the design before it went into mass production.
Things come to a halt momentarily, as everyone regroups and tries to figure out what to do since Sin Cara has legitimately injured himself. Mason Ryan tosses Hunico around for a bit, but Cody eliminates him with the Beautiful Disaster and the Cross Rhodes. Crowd chants for Cody after that. Smart people. Speaking of Cody, he has kneepads now. Odd. Did he sell his mask and purchase those? Kofi goes next after getting hit with Barrett's Wasteland. I like Barrett, but his finisher is still pretty lame. Now Sheamus comes in, and he's incredibly angry. Perhaps because Sin Cara has more size than he does, but more likely because his Survivor Series team sucks. He starts killing cats and ends up getting disqualified for kicking too much ass. Well, I suppose that's one way to eliminate the guy without having him eat a pin. Sheamus takes out Swagger with the pump kick on his way out, which allows Orton to make it 3 vs 1. So we have Randy Orton vs Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes, and Hunico. One of these things is not like the other. Hunico apparently senses this, so he busts out a Springboard-Diving-Face-Into-Your-RKO on Orton. Glad he can take a hint. Hey, now that standard Sin Cara is on the shelf for a while, would it hurt to put the mask on Hunico and bring back Sin Cara Negro? He was actually pretty badass. Anyway, Orton holds his own for a while, but Barrett catches him with a Wasteland to give his team the win. Is it me, or has Orton been laying down for everyone after Mark Henry took his title?
World Title: Mark Henry vs Big Show
Crowd chants "Sexual Chocolate" at Mizark. Show is now calling his punch the WMD. Ever wonder why he never just punches guys in the face right at the start of the match? I mean, everyone else does it. The crowd is now chanting "D'Lo Brown". This Madison Square Garden crowd is pretty awesome. The match isn't Angle/Benoit or anything, but both guys work hard. Show kicks out of a World's Strongest Slam, so Mark spears him through the barricade on the outside. Always a cool looking spot, but not enough to get the 10 count for Henry. Not sure if it was that spear through the barricade, but Show thinks he's Macho Man when he gets back to the ring and starts climbing the turnbuckle. He manages to make it to the top and takes half the ppv to get his balance, but eventually comes off with a BIG elbow drop. For two. Mizark gets desperate and unleashes the World's Strongest Kick right to Show's Weapon of Mass Destruction. That's a disqualification, so Show wins while Henry retains the title. Mark Henry ends up getting his leg destroyed by Show after the match, I guess because Big Show isn't a fan of getting his nuts crushed.
WWE Title: Alberto Del Rio vs CM Punk
Punk brings out Howard Finkel as his guest ring announcer to counter Ricardo Rodriguez. Funny bit as Punk is all "Dude, WTF?" after Fink takes an eternity to introduce him. IT'S CLOBBERING TIME! When did Punk start using Mongolian chops? That's going to take a bit to get used to. Great match, as you'd expect from these two. Del Rio keeps working the arm, and Punk keeps going for the GTS, but to no avail. Punk eventually gets caught in the rolling armbreaker, but the crowd chants his name and pops big when he finally makes the ropes. See, that tells you two things: 1) as simple as it is, the crowd really buys Del Rio's cross armbreaker as a dangerous submission hold, and 2) CM Punk is so over (at least with the New York crowd) that the people will chant for him to break said submission hold. Aside from the kids chanting for Cena, you really don't see enough of that nowadays. Not to be outdone, Punk comes back with the Anaconda Vice. Del Rio does an awesome sell of the hold, ripping at Punks face in his attempt to escape, but taps clean to give Punk the title. Good stuff.
John Cena & The Rock vs The Awesome Truth
Rocky is absolutely ripped. He takes the Miz and R-Truth down with armdrags, then breaks out a gorgeous la magistral cradle. The crowd goes crazy for that. Crowd: "You still got it!" Indeed. Truth wants in, and he ends up taking a nice fisherman suplex, perfect bridge and all. Not to knock HHH, because I like him as a wrestler, but HHH takes half a year off, and all he brings to his match with CM Punk are punches and a half dozen Pedigrees. The Rock takes 7 years off, and he comes back with new moves in his arsenal. Rocky "tags" Cena in, and Cena finishes a snapmare sequence with a monkeyflip and a dropkick. MSG: "You still suck!" Tough crowd. Miz and Truth eventually take over on Cena, while Rock paces around on the apron. R-Truth, probably feeling the need to add unnecessary theatrics to simple moves with the Rock and John Cena around, does the splits, spins, dances around, then drops a leg on Cena. Booker: "Ah, ah, lookatdatboy, lookatboy get wicked, ahhhhhhhhhhh, haha, R-Truth, R-Truth get wicked baby!" Clearly, Booker needs to be calling more R-Truth matches. Little kid in the crowd: "Truth, I love you!" Truth: "TAKE THAT LITTLE JIMMY!" It's too bad Truth got suspended following the show, because he was really on the roll of his career here. Anyway, Cena gets the crap beat out of him for a while, until Truth tries another one of his dancing legdrops. Booker: "Ohhhhh, this boy gon do it again, there he go, a little rockin', ohohohohoho!" It unfortunately misses, allowing Rocky to get the hot tag and clean house. He gets the least electrifying Sharpshooter in sports entertainment on Miz, probably to let everyone know that nobody's perfect. Truth saves, which allows Miz to act like a dick for a while, before a spinebuster and a People's Elbow finishes things. John Cena spent virtually the entire match getting beat up, but this was more of a showcase for the Rock, who certainly didn't disappoint.
Cena tries to slink off after the match and give Rock the spotlight, but Rocky calls him back to the ring. He has Cena play to the crowd in the corner, then he climbs the opposite corner to show Cena who the crowd likes better. They do this TWICE, and Cena looks like a doofus for playing along.
Cena tries to leave again, but the Rock gives him the Rock Bottom to really punk him out. Geez. Even Sin Cara came out of this show looking better than John Cena. They're going to need Cena to snap and beat the hell out of the Rock at least once before Mania, because his character just has zero edge at this point. I mean, we get it, Cena is a good guy, but that last segment was pretty much a commercial for the WWE's anti-bullying campaign with Cena as the victim.
