Wrestlemania XXVII (Part I)

I'll be doing this in two parts because I can't sit still and watch wrestling for...well, you know the drill. Apparently Sheamus/Daniel Bryan got bumped off the main card and was turned into a dark match. Then it got changed to a lumberjack match. Then it got "out of hand" and was changed to a battle royal. Then the Great Khali won. Alrighty. Glad that I didn't put money on that match, because I was thinking "Sheamus over Daniel Bryan via Brogue Kick," not "Great Khali over 70% of the roster via superior size and strange, whimsical booking decisions." Sucks for Sheamus and Daniel Bryan, because there's no question that they deserved to be on the card.

The Rock starts the show off with his usual promo. I wonder what else they could have done with those ten minutes...

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs Alberto Del Rio
So we're starting off with the world title? Wouldn't this spot have been perfect for, say, I dunno...a US championship match maybe? It's pretty funny that Alberto Del Rio makes Brodus Clay walk to the ring. I mean c'mon, Eddie Guerrero would have let the dude ride shotgun. Del Rio probably hops on a private jet after the show while Brodus Clay catches the greyhound. Anyway. Edge must be feeling frisky tonight because he busts out a goofy looking somersault plancha. Del Rio does him one better with that SLICK springboard enzuigiri of his. Love that move. Del Rio eventually gets his rolling armbreaker, but Edge takes the win after wearing Del Rio out with his wacky Sharpshooter thing and hitting the spear. After the match, Edge and Christian destroy Del Rio's car with a crowbar to really drive the point home. Jeez. I remember when they were into playing with kazoos and stuff.

Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes
Rey's special Wrestlemania outfit this year is...PUCK!! YES!!! Oh wait, never mind, I think he's supposed to be Captain America. Cody Rhodes' special Wrestlemania outfit this year is Richard Hamilton. He has a darker, moodier remix to his music to go along with his "disfigured" gimmick. That's actually kind of cool. The match is chugging along just fine until Rhodes pauses to give Rey a nice, sensual shoulder massage midway through. Didn't he learn anything from Randy Orton back when he was a part of the Legacy? Chinlocks are the way to go. Not a bad match, minus some silliness with Rhodes' mask. The right guy eventually goes over as Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the win. Let the Sin Cara era begin.

Snoop Dogg is backstage looking for talent. This leads to Sir William Regal busting a rhyme:

Straight out of Blackpool, I'm William Regal
Everybody knows that I do nothing legal
Mess with my man Snoop and you won't be chillin'
Cuz I'll show you why I'm straight up villain.

Best Wrestlemania ever. Funny that we have William Regal and Hornswoggle rapping, but not a sign of R-Truth.

The Corre vs Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston
Kind of sad that Kane is stuck in an 8-man after having probably the best year of his career. This one goes a whopping 2 minutes before Show punches Slater in the face. Great job making The Corre look like a dangerous up-and-coming force to be reckoned with losers here.

The Rock and Mae Young are backstage being inappropriate. They talk about strudel and Mae Young being as old as Moses until Stone Cold shows up. Austin and the Rock have a stare down for old time's sake. Ok, that was pretty cool.

Randy Orton vs CM Punk
This should be good. Good lord, these guys must really enjoy getting tattoos. I wonder what they're going to look like at Wrestlemania XXXII. Nice match with Punk working Orton's leg throughout to negate the punt. Punk even busts out Bret Hart's old ringpost figure four. This one felt a little slow overall with so much of the match revolving around Orton's injured leg, but the finish was a hot one with Punk managing to escape an initial RKO attempt, only to springboard directly into a second. Would have liked to see CM Punk go over here, but the loss doesn't really hurt him too much. Best match of the night so far.

Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole (w/ Jack Swagger)
Funny bit as Stone Cold comes blazing out on his ATV while Swagger is on the ramp doing push-ups. This would probably be the match with the best buildup, but also the one that needs to be over as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the case as we are treated to seeing Michael Cole on offense. Josh Matthews: "Look around the ring, there is anguish on the face of everyone in the WWE universe." Josh Matthews, this is true. Lawler eventually makes the comeback and takes it after a fistdrop and an anklelock. As usual, Austin acts a damn fool after the match. This one went on way too long, but at least Lawler got his feel-good Wrestlemania moment. Or so we think, until the anonymous GM reverses the decision to give Cole the win. Whatever.

Part II: Taker/HHH, Miz/Cena.